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<title>[draft] to seungkwan by wonujinnie</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27508399">[draft] to seungkwan</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/wonujinnie/pseuds/wonujinnie'>wonujinnie</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>SEVENTEEN (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Bittersweet, Jeon Wonwoo Is Bad at Feelings, Letters, M/M, Post-Break Up, Self-Indulgent, but not really</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-08 03:42:34</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,732</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27508399</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/wonujinnie/pseuds/wonujinnie</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>This is Wonwoo and Seungkwan's story told through a series of letters that were left unsent.</p><p>Or one where Wonwoo has a lot of regrets and one of them is letting Seungkwan go.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Boo Seungkwan &amp; Jeon Wonwoo, Boo Seungkwan/Jeon Wonwoo</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>37</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. letter #1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>inspired by that one chapter in gaya sa pelikula on wattpad (it has a yt series! check it out!).</p><p>credits to this <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/7953412?style=creator">ao3 tutorial</a> for the e-mail thing</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div class="window">
  <p class="topbar"></p>
  <p class="textfield">To: bsk0116@gmail.com</p>
  <p class="textfield">Subject: Letter #1</p>
</div><div class="ebody">
  <p>Hey,</p>
  <p>I heard from Seokmin that your sister finally got married. I remember how she used to ask me if I could introduce her to at least one of my cousins. I'm glad she finally found someone, and that she's happy.</p>
  <p>Were you able to find happiness too?</p>
  <p>I'm not sure if I'm allowed to ask that. Or if I have any right to know anything more about you — not after everything that happened. I still talk to our old friends, but I think I tried too hard to steer all conversations away from you, from us; that they don't mention you anymore. Seokmin only let it slip because we were squabbling about who's the most lightweight. (Soonyoung kept saying it's Seokmin, and he countered that Soonyoung was the first one to get plastered during the wedding's reception.) </p>
  <p>Anyway, I hope you're happy.</p>
  <p>I never said it, but I've always been happy with you. I wish I was more honest. If I was, I wouldn't be writing this letter, no? I would be saying these words to you.</p>
  <p>I'm sorry I've been a coward. I can't even write your name because it hurts too much.</p>
</div><p class="buttonbar"></p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. letter #2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div class="window">
  <p class="topbar"></p>
  <p class="textfield">To: bsk0116@gmail.com</p>
  <p class="textfield">Subject: Letter #2</p>
</div><div class="ebody">
  <p>Hey,</p>
  <p>It's me again.</p>
  <p>I guess this is gonna be a thing, then, writing letters I know I'll never send to you. The first one was out of impulse, because that's probably the first time I heard someone say your name in months. I guess I missed you, not that a day goes by that I don't. I always do. But hearing your name made it all too real, again, you know? It reminded me of how much I lost.</p>
  <p>And how much I regret everything.</p>
  <p>Because the thing is... when I let you go, I was left to deal with a gaping hole in my chest where my heart should be. You took it with you. <i>Did you know that?</i></p>
  <p>It's been exactly four months.</p>
  <p>I feel like time has been passing by in slow motion. When I realized what day it is, I can't believe I've only been missing you for four months when it felt like a lifetime to me. I wasn't aware just how much involved in my life you are until months passed by and everyday, there's something to remind me of you.</p>
  <p>You'd probably find this funny, but it was just a few weeks then, Wonder Girl's So Hot came on shuffle when I was walking back to my dorm (yes, I did save your favorite songs, I mean, how can I not when I see how happy it makes you? It makes me happy too, you know, seeing you smile and giggle like that. You look like you're glowing.) So yeah, So Hot came on shuffle and guess what happened? I didn't realize I was crying until a stranger stopped me in my tracks to offer a tissue and ask if I was okay. I wasn't. Because as soon as the chorus started, all I could think of was how you stood up so abruptly the chair fell down. You just can't not dance the steps, can you? You love them that much. And I just, I don't know how you do that — to love with your whole heart. No reservations. You're always willing to take that risk, that first step. You're more than willing to give your everything.</p>
  <p>
    <i>How did you ever come to the conclusion that I deserve that kind of love?</i>
  </p>
  <p><i>S</i>, I've been missing you a great deal. Do you know how many of your habits I've actually incorporated in my routine? I'm taking vitamins regularly now. Whenever I don't have a requirement to cram, do you know how many times I've chosen sleep instead of video games? I've been sleeping earlier than usual because I can always hear you worrying about my health. You always worry about other people more than you care about yourself.</p>
  <p>Earlier, when I went to buy groceries - because you used to scold me about relying too much on take out and instant noodles. We used to go grocery shopping together because I said I didn't like going in crowded places alone, what I didn't say was I liked shopping for groceries with you. I like spending time with you.) So Hot played through the supermarket's loudspeakers. I didn't cry, but my chest still aches.</p>
  <p>Do you think if I write more letters, I will finally be able to fill up the space you left?</p>
</div><p class="buttonbar"></p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. letter #3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div class="window">
  <p class="topbar"></p>
  <p class="textfield">To: bsk0116@gmail.com</p>
  <p class="textfield">Subject: Letter #3</p>
</div><div class="ebody">
  <p>Hey,</p>
  <p>Facebook reminded me that we've been friends for two years now. I won't ever forget the first time we met because it was too memorable (who knew that your existence as a whole would be memorable to me?) We met at an acquaintance party that Soonyoung blackmailed me into going. You were friends with his boyfriend, Jeonghan. And you were really, really drunk.</p>
  <p>You were really endearing too.</p>
  <p>You'd probably kill me for bringing this up but it's not like you'll be able to read this so: remember how your first words to me were how I look like your future boyfriend? That was a really lame pick-up line, not to say you slurred your words I almost didn't understand you and if it was anyone else, I would've been annoyed. I would've walked out.</p>
  <p>But it wasn't anyone else. It was you.</p>
  <p>So add this to the list of things I never told you — that you were able to pull me right into your orbit the moment we met. </p>
</div><p class="buttonbar"></p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. letter #4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div class="window">
  <p class="topbar"></p>
  <p class="textfield">To: bsk0116@gmail.com</p>
  <p class="textfield">Subject: Letter #4</p>
</div><div class="ebody">
  <p>Hey,</p>
  <p>I was looking for something in my old external hard drive when I saw these.

</p>
  <p>
 
</p>
  <p>It hurt. Haha. Seeing these photos reminded me of how easy it was with you.</p>
  <p>I remember having to treat both Soonyoung and Junhui to a meal (and Jihoon tagging along) because they wouldn't stop complaining about how, apparently, I spend too much time with you. They found it weird because I'm not the kind of person who easily warms up to people. And I never realized it until they pointed it out — how different I was when it comes to you. Or was it because you were different? I'm not sure. All I know is that you've always felt familiar to me. Like, I already know you and was just waiting to meet you. So when I did, it was as if everything fell into place.</p>
  <p>After that acquaintance party, we kept on bumping into each other until eventually we do make plans to be with each other. I didn't have to (over)think things. I just knew I like spending time with you. And it felt like you feel the same way. Our personalities aren't similar, but we still clicked. There's this understanding between the two of us. We didn't have to say anything. We just <i>know</i>.</p>
  <p>Being with you was as easy as breathing.</p>
  <p>At some point, our friends started to get curious. Soonyoung asked what's with us. I didn't have an answer to that.</p>
  <p>But we're okay, weren't we?</p>
  <p> </p>
</div><p class="buttonbar"></p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. letter #5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div class="window">
  <p class="topbar"></p>
  <p class="textfield">To: bsk0116@gmail.com</p>
  <p class="textfield">Subject: Letter #5</p>
</div><div class="ebody">
  <p>We weren't. And it was my fault.</p>
</div><p class="buttonbar"></p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. letter #6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div class="window">
  <p class="topbar"></p>
  <p class="textfield">To: bsk0116@gmail.com</p>
  <p class="textfield">Subject: Letter #6</p>
</div><div class="ebody">
  <p>Today, I saw you for the first time in four months. We're in the same university, but it's a hella big campus, we're not in the same department, we do not have similar classes, and I've given all my free time to my part-time jobs that it was so easy to avoid you.</p>
  <p>But I guess I can't always be lucky. It's fine though, because a huge part of me really misses you. I always want to see you.</p>
  <p>I just wish I didn't see you with him.</p>
</div><p class="buttonbar"></p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. letter #7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div class="window">
  <p class="topbar"></p>
  <p class="textfield">To: bsk0116@gmail.com</p>
  <p class="textfield">Subject: Letter #7</p>
</div><div class="ebody">
  <p>Remember that time we went on a holiday with our friends? [insert that and they were roommates meme] haha. I know they planned that because they knew something about me that I was yet to realize then.</p>
  <p>Remember when you were being annoying and you suddenly jumped on my bed — on me — and we ended up cuddling?</p>
  <p>Did you know? That's when I realized I'm in love with you.</p>
  <p>You probably remember how I suddenly sat up and kicked you off the bed. I'm sorry I panicked. I know I said that things are so easy with you, but I guess there's an exception to that. I wasn't ready to have a name for that feeling in my chest, one that's only there whenever I'm with you or thinking about you.</p>
  <p>It scared me. I didn't know what loving you means. I didn't know if you'd ever love me back.</p>
  <p>That night, I'm sorry I didn't tell you.</p>
</div><p class="buttonbar"></p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>yes im talking about that brief wonboo moment in holiday mv sue me</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. letter #8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div class="window">
  <p class="topbar"></p>
  <p class="textfield">To: bsk0116@gmail.com</p>
  <p class="textfield">Subject: Letter #8</p>
</div><div class="ebody">
  <p>Since I'm being honest in these letters, I have to admit I did spend a month thinking and overthinking about how I should deal with it — the feelings. Should I tell you? I felt like I should. I wanted to.</p>
  <p>But I think we've established already how much of a coward I am so I asked for a sign. And up to now, I still don't know if it was fate being cruel or kind because a day before that <i>night</i>, I happened to know something I shouldn't know. Still, I took that as a sign, I made my decision, then. </p>
  <p>I wouldn't tell you.</p>
  <p>So I didn't. I found out that Chan's in love with you — your best friend since diapers is in love with you. And I just. I didn't want to be in that same position again where I risked being with someone who was first in love with someone else.</p>
  <p>You said it yourself, you've been in love with him for most of your life.</p>
  <p>How am I supposed to compete with that?</p>
  <p> </p>
</div><p class="buttonbar"></p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. letter #9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div class="window">
  <p class="topbar"></p>
  <p class="textfield">To: bsk0116@gmail.com</p>
  <p class="textfield">Subject: Letter #9</p>
</div><div class="ebody">
  <p>I thought letting you go was better. I didn't want to hurt.</p>
  <p>But damn it, ever since that night I turned you down. The night where you told me you love me, and all I could say was I'm sorry.</p>
  <p><i>Seungkwan</i>, it never stopped hurting.</p>
</div><p class="buttonbar"></p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. letter #10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div class="window">
  <p class="topbar"></p>
  <p class="textfield">To: bsk0116@gmail.com</p>
  <p class="textfield">Subject: Letter #10</p>
</div><div class="ebody">
  <p>ifi Iwsa bravre, wpuld we hav eworked ? Would you reall y have lobed me the wauy you todl  me youd wld?</p>
</div><p class="buttonbar"></p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>wrote n posted letters 3-10 while tipsy also its almost 6am here n i havent slept yet so excuse this fic its really just self-indulgent :( but i hope u enjoyed it somehow. if uve reached this part, thank u so much!!!</p><p>
  <a href="https://twitter.com/yjhlovbot">twt!</a>
</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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